What's Wrong? What's Right? The Power of a Balanced Perspective

When faced with a decision, a new idea or a difficult situation, many of us naturally focus on what could go wrong. We might consider the risks, question whether we're making the right decision or concentrate on the things we don't like about a particular situation.

These can all be useful considerations. Recognising potential problems helps us prepare for challenges and make informed decisions. However, we may spend considerably less time considering another question: "What's right with it?"

What could work well? What are the possible advantages? What might we gain from the experience?

Looking at both sides doesn't mean ignoring problems or forcing ourselves to think positively. It means being curious enough to consider the whole picture, rather than allowing potential problems to become the entire picture.

Why Do We Notice What's Wrong?

Our minds can be particularly good at identifying problems. We notice mistakes, remember criticism and anticipate what might go wrong. When faced with uncertainty, we may find ourselves considering possible negative outcomes long before recognising potential benefits.

There are understandable reasons for this. Being alert to difficulties can help us protect ourselves, prepare for challenges and make considered decisions. Identifying problems is not necessarily a bad thing, particularly when there are genuine risks that need attention.

However, difficulties can arise when our attention becomes so focused on what might go wrong that we overlook other possibilities. If we consistently concentrate on risks, flaws and negative outcomes, we may find it harder to assess a situation from a balanced perspective.

The question is not whether we should stop noticing problems, but whether we are also noticing what is working.

Every Choice Has Something on Both Sides

Most meaningful decisions are not simply right or wrong. They often involve competing priorities, uncertainties and potential benefits.

For example, changing jobs might offer new opportunities, greater satisfaction or personal growth, but it may also involve uncertainty and the loss of familiar routines. Staying in a current position could provide security and stability, while potentially limiting opportunities for change.

Similarly, setting a boundary with someone may feel uncomfortable or create temporary tension, but it could also help protect something important to us. Trying something unfamiliar may involve the possibility of disappointment, alongside the possibility of discovering something worthwhile.

There are often reasons for and against almost any decision. A more balanced approach might involve asking two questions: "What concerns me about this?" and "What might be good about this?"

Neither question needs to outweigh the other automatically. The aim is to give both sides an opportunity to be considered, so that our decisions are informed by a broader understanding of the situation.

When "What's Wrong?" Becomes a Habit

Sometimes our tendency to focus on problems extends beyond individual decisions and becomes a familiar way of evaluating ourselves and our circumstances.

We might repeatedly think that we should have handled something better, question why we find certain situations difficult or compare ourselves unfavourably with other people. Even when we have managed something reasonably well, our attention may remain fixed on the one thing we believe we got wrong.

A similar pattern can occur when evaluating our circumstances. We may become preoccupied with what is missing, what hasn't worked out or where we believe we should be in life.

Of course, some concerns are legitimate, and there may be circumstances that genuinely need to change. The aim is not to dismiss those difficulties but to recognise that they may not represent the entire picture.

Alongside identifying what isn't working, we might also consider what we are managing well, what we have achieved despite challenges and what strengths or resources we may be overlooking.

These considerations don't eliminate problems. They simply allow us to recognise information that might otherwise receive very little attention.

What About Relationships?

This pattern can also develop in relationships, particularly when couples are experiencing ongoing conflict, frustration or emotional disconnection.

When difficulties have been present for some time, partners may become increasingly sensitive to each other's mistakes or shortcomings. A forgotten task, an irritating comment or an unresolved disagreement may quickly attract attention, while positive interactions become easier to overlook.

For example, someone might remember that their partner forgot an important commitment but barely notice the small ways their partner showed consideration throughout the day. Perhaps they made a cup of coffee, checked that their partner arrived home safely, completed a household task or found a moment to share some humour.

These everyday interactions may seem insignificant when compared with larger relationship difficulties, yet they can also form an important part of how partners experience their connection.

This doesn't mean couples should ignore serious concerns, accept hurtful behaviour or pretend that everything is fine. Problems within a relationship may need careful attention, and some situations require significant change.

However, when our attention becomes almost exclusively focused on what is wrong, our overall view of our partner and the relationship may become increasingly negative.

It can therefore be useful to ask: "What is still right here?"

We might consider what we appreciate about our partner, when we still experience moments of connection, what qualities originally attracted us to them, and which aspects of the relationship continue to work well.

Recognising these things doesn't prevent us from addressing problems. It simply allows us to acknowledge that strengths and difficulties can exist within the same relationship.

Balanced Thinking Is Not Positive Thinking

There is an important difference between developing a balanced perspective and trying to think positively about everything.

The goal isn't to replace the belief that everything is terrible with the belief that everything is wonderful. Neither may accurately reflect reality.

Instead, we might recognise that a situation has genuine difficulties while also acknowledging aspects that are worthwhile. A relationship may have problems that need addressing while still containing qualities that both partners value.

Similarly, we might recognise that we didn't handle a situation as well as we would have liked without concluding that we handled everything badly.

Sometimes two apparently contradictory things can both be true. We can feel disappointed about an outcome while recognising something valuable about the experience. We can acknowledge our mistakes while also appreciating what we managed well.

Balanced thinking involves making room for both possibilities rather than automatically giving greater attention to one side.

Try Asking a Different Question

The next time you find yourself evaluating a decision, situation, yourself or your relationship, it may be worth noticing which questions come to mind automatically.

If your first thought is "What's wrong with this?", there is no need to dismiss it. Instead, you might become curious about what else deserves consideration.

For example, you could ask yourself:

• What might I be overlooking?

• What is already working well?

• What are the potential benefits as well as the risks?

• Am I considering both the positives and negatives?

• What might I notice if I approached this situation with greater curiosity?
  

These questions are not intended to produce a particular answer. Sometimes, after considering both sides, we may still decide that a situation is unsuitable or that something needs to change.

The value lies in approaching the decision with a willingness to explore different possibilities rather than reaching a conclusion based only on our initial concerns.

Developing a More Balanced Perspective

In counselling, people may have an opportunity to step back from familiar patterns of thinking and approach situations with greater curiosity, considering different perspectives rather than focusing only on what seems wrong.

For individuals, this might involve exploring self-criticism, worries, difficult decisions or long-standing patterns that influence how situations are interpreted. Becoming more aware of these patterns may help people consider alternative ways of understanding their experiences.

For couples, counselling may involve exploring recurring conflict while also recognising strengths, positive interactions and aspects of the relationship that have become less visible during periods of difficulty.

The purpose isn't to tell someone that their concerns are wrong or that they should simply focus on the positive. Rather, it is about developing a fuller understanding of what is happening, including both what isn't working and what is.

David Nowland is a psychologist in Southport on the Gold Coast with over 30 years of experience and is a Certified Gottman Therapist. He provides individual counselling and couples counselling.

The next time you find yourself asking "What's wrong with this?", perhaps consider adding another question: "What's right with it?"

Approaching both questions with curiosity may not provide an immediate answer, but it could help you see the situation from a more balanced perspective.

This article provides general information and is not a substitute for individual psychological advice.